3 Stumbling, learning, surviving

"Niao, I know you are going to leave, so here is a bit of food to keep you going for a while, but it won't last. I'm sorry, we have little ourselves but take this is as our parting gift." 

She turned and looked at her sister. Looking back she said, "remember, we loved your mother as we love you now." My two aunts looked at me with tears in their eyes, "don't come back Niao, this is not the place for you." With that they bundled the food at me and pushed me out of the house.

"Remember,  we love you!" and with that they retreated inside. I heard the crying from behind the door but I knew I had to leave. I had made the right choice.

With tears in my eyes  I walked into the woods. I felt bereft,  but there was determination in my heart.

No, I wouldn't be back but I would miss my Aunties and their woodland home.

It had been just over a week since I had left Aunties' house and I had walked myself to a near standstill. I was so tired but scared too. I was walking in places I didn't know and the nights had turned dark, moonless, giving it an almost foreboding air. I heard wolves calling to each other during those dark times and the fear rose in my throat. 

I understood the phrase, 'sick with fear'.

I also understood another phrase, 'sick with hunger'. I'd not eaten for a few days and I felt light headed, weak and very sick. I sat down and leaned against a tree. I was too young for this and I began doubting the wiseness, the folly of my actions.

Then I thought about the boarding house and shuddered. No, if I die here at least its under my terms not the whim of a man.

That companion inside me spoke. "So much to learn but plenty of time to do so. Little one, you will go through fear, aloneness, pain and suffering, but on the other side you will find companionship, peace of mind and a sense of belonging. Believe me. The hardest action was stepping outside what others expected of you. Now you determine your own future and direction."

Standing up I made a decision; I would survive, thrive and excel. I was in competition with no-one but myself and I wouldn't listen to the demons creeping into my head, instead I kept my guide closer to me. 

Shifting the bundle onto my back once more, I continued forward listening to the sounds of the night.

Dawn broke late, but when it did it was as if the world had been painted with a golden brush. Leaves were tinged with silver frost which boasted gold flecks of beauty. The grasses moved stiffly against the ice which incased them and the trees slowly shook off the frost like golden snow. 

As I breathed out I watched my breath. It made clouds of droplets in the air. If it had been colder, they would have frozen; I was only too aware of how cold it could be. I thanked the Heavens for sparing me that. It was cold though, and a chill had filled me in the night. The sight of that golden light beginning to fill the sky, cheering my heart and enlivening my step. In some way I felt warmer, brighter and more optimistic. I needed a place to hunker down during the coldest of times. Nights were cold, days a little warmer. If I slept at night I may never waken. I resolved, for now, to move by night, rest by day.

Listening quietly to my surroundings, I heard the tell tale sound of water flowing over rocks. Instinctively, I headed that way. I needed to stop, drink and perhaps camp for a while. I had learned which fruits, shoots and roots to eat, I had a knife to prepare them and a pot to place them in, all I needed was a fire.

I had my fire-stick with me so collecting the wood, kindling and paring off some wood flakes, I lit a small fire. Just enough to get me started but it was enough to give me that sense of security I'd not had for a week. 

I'd not be found or followed. I chuckled to myself, "as if anyone would be looking for me! Highly unlikely." I wondered what yarn my step mother had fed my father. 

With a shrug I let it go. It really didn't matter now, I had other priorities and that was drink, food, warmth and sleep. I knew as long as I stuck to vegetables and maybe some fish, then it wouldn't attract too many carnivores my way. I had to get my confidence going first, so with that in mind I wandered towards the stream and took a look. Yep, a few small fish were about.

Making a short spear from a straight piece of wood, I went fishing. I had gathered vegetables already so this would be a fish soup I truly needed.

Fishing wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, but in the end, patience and a grumbling stomach won. I got one. Not much meat on it but it was something. Fish and the root vegetables went into the pot and I cooked and ate the lot.

Rubbing my full belly, I mused,  with a grin, "that was the best meal I had ever eaten". With tiredness washing over me, I cleaned the pot, replenished the fire and lay down. Daylight had broken and weak sunshine found my resting spot.

I slept.

I stayed by that stream for a few days regaining some strength. I meditated, listened to my inner teacher, ate, slept some more and observed. 

The days were getting longer and Spring was coming. I began to sense the days as they changed.

Each began the same, with the sun rising, but the days were always unique even if they appeared the same. The day ended with the sun going away and a new world coming out to play. Always the same but always different, I slowly started to move with this rhythm, feeling safer as I moved from one time to the next.

Each day began and I walked. Each day I hunted and I ate then walked some more. Each evening I stopped and created a camp for the night. I ate and slept by the fire only to repeat it all the next day. I didn't need to sleep during the day now. Spring had arrived and the land was waking up, warming up, humming the tunes of rebirth.

The rhythm of life had entered my soul and I became a child of Nature herself. An itinerant who was not seen but watched it all, and I learned, becoming stronger, fitter and more stealthy.

Years past like this, and as I grew in years I grew in confidence. I was more agile and fleet of foot. I had learned how to exploit honey bees for some honey, set traps for small animals such as rabbits. I could make camp and create a shelter. I had learned how to keep strips of meat so I could walk and eat at the same time. I chased the food and sometimes was chased as food. I would sneak in to a place where the wolves had made a kill and wait until they had had their fill then sneak in and steal strips of meat before they caught me.

I began learning their languages and mimicked them to my advantage. Looking back I was as feral as you could get.

Rarely did I come across other people and if I saw smoke ahead I would detour round so as to avoid them. I had no idea where I was going, in fact I had no goal in that regard, only that driving desire to keep moving forward each day, sometimes making camp and staying for a few days, only to get that itch to get going again.

When I got to where I was going I would know.