20 A hard night

I'd not had as bad a night as that in a very long time. I had put down branches from the surrounding fir trees anad scooped up armfuls of leaves to add to the bed, but without the bottom fur, it was uncomfortable. Everything moved as I did and it never gave that spring underneath me, I had become used to these past few years. I ached and feeling like death warmed up. I sat up and looked around.

I really missed alpha. I missed sharing my bed with her and feeling her warmth. I missed the way she turned over in the night and snuggled right in to me, and I'd feel her breath on the back of my neck. I missed feeling safe because she became the early warning system and dealt with many issues herself letting me sleep peacefully.

She was such a lovely, kind and generous animal. I know I will never forget her and did my best not to think of the sight which had greeted me that night.

I shuddered.

It was chilly this morning and having spent the night uncovered and open to the elements, I felt the cold more acutely this morning. Shifting towards my small fire grate, I re-ignited the embers with some wood shavings and fanning gently, got some hot water going. I had no provisions, they were all still at the camp site, so it was hot water and a few pieces of vegetable I had found in my travels yesterday.

"I'd forgotten this sort of start to the day! I'm cold to the core, and damp, and hungry. Oh well, suppose a warm damp rag over my face will help a little," and with that I used some of the hot water to wash my face, my hands and my feet.

Pulling my boots on and tying up the laces, I ventured outside.

Did I really want to stay here?

Was this the sort of life I wanted to move into?

I'd not been inside a place since the old man in the woods and before that, the woodshed at my family home. The prospect of moving indoors was a complete anathema to me. The whole thought was sitting very badly in my head.

"No, this is not for me, but until I can get back what I had then, I'm stuck." I'd made a decision and I knew I had to return to the camp and see if there as anything worth salvaging.

It was really sad to think that the ants had taken over her body so quickly after death. I prayed that she was dead once they found her. I hadn't felt any life force in her when I started awake and they were still just crawling over her fur and face, but I could imagine the state of her now. 

I was torn. Should I go to the forge and continue with the work I was doing or go to the camp and see what was salvageable?  Looking seriously at my position at the moment, it became clear to me that I had to prioritise myself. I needed to be settled within my own space before I could give my most valuable asset, time, to someone else. With that, I collected my knife and empty bundle sack. I slide my comb into my jerkin and started the walk back to camp, combing my hair as I went.

It had got very long, coming almost to my knees, and there seemed to be a lot of it. I was always chasing lice and fleas out and discovered submerging my head in water didn't clear them too well. I had discovered eucalyptus oil as a very good way to clear them and bled this from trees as and when I spotted them. In more open country it was rosemary, and I had collected bundles of it, all of which was still at the camp. I needed these sorts of things back. For a start, my head was itching again!

Arriving at the camp I wasn't sure what I'd see, but it was very different to what I'd expected.

The ants had concentrated their activity to Alpha's body, which made sense, and some of the workers had brought in pine needle and dead leaves to cover her, disguising her smell. I supposed this was to keep other detrital feeders away; to be honest I'd not really noticed it before but had come across these mounds as I had travelled.

Steering clear of the area of activity, I looked around at the camp. There were things I could salvage; the oils, nuts and seeds, some jars of preserved fruits Xin had brought from the town, food bowls, a second cooking pot which had belonged to Xin, spoons, chopsticks and ...... I looked around mentally crossing my fingers. A skin maybe?

When the incident had happened, I had lept up so fast, I had discarded the top skin some distance away. It was covered in ants at the time and was useless to me as they were spraying formic acid everywhere. Now they had left it and walking over I discovered it free of pests and vermin. I grinned, "the formic acid will certainly steralise the skin, and me come to think of it." Picking it up and wrapping it around me, the smell of Alpha and formic acid rose into my nostrils; nice and comforting verses where it is now. I shrugged. At least I would have some warmth tonight.

I didn't look at Alpha, I couldn't. I knew what was happening and all my intentions had been superceded by the natural process. In reality I was pleased, 'Nature had given and now Nature was taking back', yes, fair balance had been achieved.

I gathered all I could and returned it to my bundle cloth. With that, I stepped away from my previous ways and began walking towards the next chapter in my life.

I returned to the house. 

Standing downstream and looking up at the place, I made an instant decison.

No!

This is not where I want to be.

Without a second thought, I went inside, collected up my other belongings, placed them in my bundle and looked around. I cleared what I had created and left the building in better condition than I had found it.

I thanked it for the shelter it had offered me and bade the woman of the house farewell, wishing her a safe re-birth, and with that, turned, and began looking for somewhere I could hunt for food and feel a degree of safety from this unknown area I now found myself in.

Would I stay here? 

I really didn't know. This wasn't my type of land. I didn't offer me the sort hunting I was used to. I needed something different, but for now I would stay and complete my work.

I followed the stream down river. I loved to eat fish and the waters often contained vegetation which provided rich pickings for me to eat. At least by the waters's edge I would find food I was more used to. Up here I could hear the food but not catch it.