26 Face to Face

 I looked up and there he was, sitting in the sampan some distance from the shore. He looked worried, hopeful and seemed to be trying to tell me he meant no harm.

"May I come on shore?" he asked quietly. "I would like to sit and talk with you if I can and I promise, I have no other motive than that." 

He looked at me with a softness in his expression. I nodded and he smiled as he slowly brought the craft to the edge. 

Beaching it, he walked up the bank towards me and, stopping at a respectful distance, asked if he may sit with me.

I threw over a skin and gestured. He thanked me and spreading it out where it landed, he sat down and faced me. 

 

I came into view with my heart in my mouth. Would she run or stay, would she berate me and send me away or allow me to stop? I waited.

Looking up she saw me. The smile which had played on her face dissolved and was replaced by a mask which gave nothing away. I watched her eyes. Would she accept me?

"May I come onshore?" I said hoping I presented no threat. My heart thumped and I screamed inside, 'please let me sit with you, please let me fall under your spell and never wake up. Please don't turn me away!'

Out loud I said, " I would like to sit and talk with you if I can and I promise, I have no other motive than that." My whole being screamed, 'please!! Don't send me away'. I really didn't understand what was happening to me but I felt every time I looked into those eyes I fell deeper into the abyss.

I almost ran up the bank, my legs trembling under the sheer build up of emotion within me. She threw a skin and without a moment's hesitation I sat. I wanted to cry with relief.

"My name is Hao Yang and my last name is Chen. My friends call me Hao. I would like it if you would also call me Hao. I am the second son in the House of Chen. I am following in my father' footsteps and am training to be an officer. One day I hope to be like my father, a general in the Emperor's army." I felt I had introduced myself as best as I could. "May I be so bold as to ask your name? By what are you called and may I use that name?"

"My name is Niao. I have no surname I remember. I left home at twelve years of age and have been living alone pretty much since then. I did have a friend and we travelled together, but she has gone to work in a milliners. Call me Niao." With that she looked up and gave a small smile.

"I have no tea but I can offer you hot water and if you are interested a meal later?" My heart skipped a beat, she was offering me food.

He seemed genuinely nice. I was convinced I had seen him before and as he spoke and said he was the second son, I realised he was the young man Xin and I had helped in the bamboo woods.

I could offer him hot water and a meal if he so wished and when I said this he seemed to almost collapse. I get the impression he had been holding himself together until then and at that moment, relaxed. 'Poor boy,' I thought, 'what is going on in his mind?'

I carried on cleaning the skin and he started talking about things in his world. Seemed too complicated to me all these rules, etiquette, standards, expectations.

"I'll stick to this world where rules are simple. Be kind, be generous. Be eaten or eat, and leave no trace of where you have been. Simple"

I looked at him. What on earth had he come for? What could I possibly have which would be of interest or value to him? I shook my head, "Why on earth would you want to spend time with me? I can't offer you anything except a meal if I have one." I looked at him hoping he might explain, but he fell silent, looking at the floor.

"You can teach me your world and how to survive without all those rules and regulations. You can teach me how to hunt, to skin, to keep myself alive if I have to. You can teach me the rhythm of Nature and how to read the signs. You can teach me how to live."

I stared at him in surprise. "You want to learn to live as I do? Its far from glamorous and you go hungry more days than you eat. You walk miles and get chased by predators who see you as a free snack. You wash when you can. You get infected with lice, have to sew up your own wounds, treat your illnesses with little but your wits. Is this what you want of me?"

"Yes!" he said, "yes, I do."

I shook my head, "you'd never survive," and with that I returned to the skin.

'Oh god please!' My head screamed. I wanted to spend time with her and if it meant giving up everything I would. The abyss was deep and I really didn't believe I could fall much further. She intoxicated me and I genuinely didn't understand.

"If I promise to come each day would you be willing to teach me skills that I could use whilst out with the troops? Could you teach me the ways of the forests so I too could walk with you and go with you for a period and experience it at first hand? Please, I am asking as much as I can. I will go down on my knees and beg if that would help. Please. Teach me your ways." With that I shuffled forward to kowtow to her.

"Stop!" she shouted, "don't do that. OK, I will. I will stay here for now and teach you skills, but be prepared to work hard."

I looked at her, "I promise," I said sinking deeper into that abyss which was open just for my demise.