81 Please Sir

I'd had enough. 
I valued those I cared for, they were my pack. I supported Hao Yang without flinching because he was my alpha, but I missed sleeping peacefully under the stars, waking with the first morning rays and bathing in the crisp waters.
I missed berry tea, lotus root soup and roasted meats. I missed quietly carving some new bowls, spoons, needles and creating warm clothing from the animals I had killed for food. Nothing was wasted; what I couldn't use, I returned to the land from which it came. I honoured the land each day and thanked it for its bounty. Now I was part of the cause of its destruction and it didn't sit well with me.
Getting up I looked outside. The rain had begun again, blanketing the world with a curtain of blurred out images; blurred out reality?
I turned back and looked at the room. What did this offer me? Is this what I wanted? Was I happy in this? This world where people fought each other over power, land and riches?
I turned again to look out the window remembering how I would sit under my shelter and watch the rain. Listen to its chatter as it hit the ground. Watch the sky as it fell in its various forms. Marvelled at the cleansing, rain would bring. The smells, the softness of the ground, the patter on the water lily leaves...
It was only then I realised, tears were falling from my eyes, brimming over with a longing, a deep sadness, an aching loneliness.
I felt...... I felt........ nothing. Just pain. A deep pain I'd not experienced before. 
Slowly, I sunk to the floor, and resting my head on my arms, I wept.

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