108 A Respite

The guerilla war waged on. Mu and Zhang men greatly outnumbered ours but we were pushing back.
I had taken a rare day off to sit silently by my small hut and allow my brain to relax.
Xin had wandered off taking the remainder of the pack with her. She was an Alpha in waiting and worked the men with exemplary skill. Slowly, I let her take more and more control. Soon I would step back and let her lead. I wanted to train the cubs, and be allowed to bring them on. 
I was tired of all this worldly chaos.
'Let me teach the cubs the skills and mental state of the river, the unseen words of the book.'
I smiled and returned to my tea.
The paddy fields were turning gold in the evening sun and I mused on the value of this crop. 'How ironic the sun agrees, this crop is worth its weight in gold. It'll feed many in Shipao this winter.'
The days had grown longer and warmer and I wished for solitude. I loved my extended family and the people associated with it, but I wanted to rest. I was weary of the sensless killing, this continual battle for being on the top of the pile. We needed peace. Only with peace will we see prosperity and this land, like everywhere else, deserved that.
I sipped at my tea and watched the land take on the next hue, a golden red. It was as if the land was catching fire and birds, taking to the wing, heading for their roosts, carried the fire with them, like sparks flying in the tree tops.
I felt a gentle pair of arms wrap round my shoulders.
"Hello, Hao Yang, how are you?" I didn't need to turn round, I'd heard his quiet footsteps and knew his gait.
He had taken much of the strain of running the twin armies and seemed perpetually stressed. I felt for him, knowing, he too, wanted peace and space around him to just become.
"Let me sink into your smell for a while and forget it all." Lowering his head into my neck he breathed deeply and I felt him relax.
"When we get home, be my wife. You are my world. You always have been. Always will be."
I touched his arm and the sunlight bathed us in the deep red of sunset.

Respite over, I returned to my duties but my mind wasn't focused enough.
"Xin, take over will you. I'm going back. I'm off, I'm not functioning as I need to."
She looked at me with worry and concern in her eyes, " What's wrong? Are you alright? Do you have a fever? You've not been your usual self for a while," she gently touched my arm, "sister, tell me it's alright." She hung her head, then looking back up, startled, "I've not done something have I? Not offended you?"
"No, no, no, you've done nothing," I smiled at her. Her face filled me with love, " it's me. I can't do this any more. I'm not as you, I need a different pace. My body is tired and my injuries are starting to take their toll. You lead, you're ready. I'll go a train the cubs. I can do that and watch as you lead the men into the kill."
I turned her round and hugged her close. "Sister, I am proud of you, now go and be the Alpha and let me become the retired one who teaches others."
She hugged me back and looking up, "We'll still hunt game together? Skin and eat it, like we used to? We'll still eat round the fire? Please," tears rolled down her face as fear filled her heart, "you won't leave me will you?"
"Of course not, you daft cat. Now go, and take that pride with you. I'll be here, I always will."




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