113 Rehabilitation

It was a full cycle of the moon before Xin was physically restored. She would never bear children, the damage was too great, but the greatest impact was on her mind.

She had gone from a funny, friendly and loving young lady to a bitter, sour and spiteful woman.

Yes, she had suffered, but she wasn't the first and knowing what at happened back in Chenxi, I knew there were many women bearing the scars and progeny of such experiences. If husbands or family elders were still alive, they would turn her out as fallen, spoiled and she would have to survive on the streets.

If the woman was unwed, she would remain so, labelled a dirty woman. Life was hard on these women and Xin was now one of them.

Bǎo was beside himself with grief. He wasn't holding the events against her, none of the men did. Her temper and bad mouth were frightening them, pushing them away.

I'd had enough, she wasn't going to wallow in this self pitying quagmire any longer. I collected my bundle and sorted out hers. I then added two sets of skins and a large oiled cloth. I found the cooking pots we'd need and some herbs and spices to add richness to the dishes. I found my last supply of rice and took that too. I was ready.

Walking over to the rooms where she was housed I walked in without a word. Grabbing her by the arm, I pulled her out of bed, threw some clothes at her, "Get dressed."

I gave her no leeway.

"But, but," she stammered, "I'm not ready, I don't.."

"Not listening Xin. Get those clothes on now or I will drag you out in your undergarment. I am not messing about, get dressed!" I folded my arms and glared at her daring her to cross me. She knew my temper, she was in no fit state to take it on and I knew it.

"Can I ...?"

"No!" I shouted back before she could finish her train of thought. "Put those clothes on. I will count to five, and if you haven't started putting them on, I will drag you out the door! Do you hear me? I am not pandering to you! Get dressed! Now!"

I had unlocked the little girl in her and she obediently did as she was told.

"Now pick up the bundle and follow me! Do not even think of arguing, move!"

It took a great deal of pushing and shoving on my part but I got her out of the building. People saw me approaching and the look on my face. They peeled away giving us a wide berth.

Once outside, I continued pushing her forward until we reached the town gates to Shipao.

"Xin, just walk with me,okay?" I looked at her and she was crying. "Yes, I know, its really hard but you are going to come with me and we are going to go away from here for a while. We will go back to hunting and fishing. We will rest and recover, then we can come back and be ourselves once more." I put my arm around her shoulders, "There are going to be scary things which happen to us in the future and this is probably the most scared you have ever been, but you are here, with me, and together we will heal this part." I tapped her head and heart, "and this part, so Băo can give you the love he so desperately wants to give you."

She started to argue but I put my hand over her mouth. "Xin, its raw at the moment. Trust me, I know, this leaves deep scars, but scars heal and time allows the pain to become experience and we can help others who are still in pain. Do you understand?"

She nodded and lent her head on my shoulder. "Come on, we have some walking to do and I know exactly the spot which will be perfect for us."

It would take a couple of hours but the walk would do her good and it would put enough distance between us and Shipao. 

I'd already picked out the spot. It wasn't home but close enough.

The sun shone in our faces and warmed us. Summer was almost here and the nights were becoming barmy. This would be a good time to recuperate, a good time indeed.

Time moved on and as days tripped into full moon cycles, Xin became more and more withdrawn. She had ceased to speak and had stopped cooking. I continued, catching food for us both, cooking and giving it to her. If she ate, she ate, if she didn't, she didn't, I wasn't about to force her.

"I want to go back!"

"No!"

"You can't stop me! If I want to go then I will!"

She began to stomp off and grabbing her by the arm I spun her round in her tracks, "No!"

She shook herself free and began taking off again. Again, I chased after her, grabbed her and spun her round, "No!"

She tried once more and I went through the same process again. I knew she was close to breaking and if it meant I had to keep this up, I would. When it came to stubbornness, she'd only just begun to taste mine.

Suddenly, she stood stock still and began to scream. An ear piercing scream which startled the birds in the trees. They took off screeching alarm to her cries, animals bolted in the scrub; we were completely alone.

"I hate you! I hate everything you stand for! You don't know what it's like to be raped, to be humiliated, to be made into this!" She gestured toward herself, "what am I? A useless, dirty woman who can no longer lay eggs! I may as well be dead, and you!" she looked at me with venom in her eyes, "you with you calm, your peace, your words, what have you ever gone through, aye? Have you ever suffered anything in that serene existence of yours!" 

She lifted her fist and punched me hard. I took it. I took many more as she struck out her hatred until I had had enough. Grabbing her, I forcefully pulled her into a tight embrace preventing her from punching with any force. She found it hard to kick too, but she could bite, and sinking her teeth into my shoulder she bite down. The pain seared through me but I refused to give way. I held her tighter and tighter until she drew blood. 

As suddenly as the outburst began, it stopped. She went limp in my embrace, passing out with the emotional overload. Lifting her up, I carried her back to camp, placed her in her skins and tended to the bite on my shoulder. 'She certainly knows how to bite. So glad she didn't rip a lump out.'

She slept until daybreak. I had made her a medicinal concoction which I gave her when she woke. Her eyes looked clearer, but her skin was sallow and sunken; she'd not eaten well for some time and the weight loss was showing.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking into my eyes, "I said some hateful things. I don't know what came over me, there was so much anger it just spilled out. I didn't mean what I said," she grabbed my arm pleading with me, "please don't turn me away, I'd die if I didn't have you..." she looked at my shoulder. Her grabbing my arm had set it off bleeding again and the blood trickled down my front. I reached forward and picked up my washing cloth and placed it on the wound. "Oh, no!" she was horrified, "I did that?" I nodded but said nothing, "I'm so sorry, oh, I'm so sorry, please, don't leave me, please." She was beside herself, terrified she had torn down the very world which had saved her so many times over the years. I reached forward and picked her up, placing her on my lap.

"It's alright Xin, I'll never leave or send you away, we are sisters after all. Come, give me a gentle hug and then find some herbs to tend to this wound, I don't want meat eaters coming for me." I laughed and she hugged me. "Sorry Niao, I really lost my senses didn't I?"

I smiled at this scrap of nothing, all bones and bravado, she was going to have to rebuild herself once more before we could return. If Bǎo saw her like this he would be beside himself.

"Okay, you get the fire going and I'll get some food, I'm famished. I'll have a look for some herbs which we can use. Can you get some water and make tea?" I smiled, she was back and taking charge. I'll let her, it was time I rested anyway, I had bruises everywhere and I ached from restraining her. 

I needed a swim, oh, did I need a swim.